DALLAS – In a move that will surely convince our customers that we’re not completely indifferent to the fate of the planet, Southwoke is proud to announce a $10 million investment in Yale University’s Natural Carbon Capture program.

Our CEO, Bob Jordan, was eager to explain the reasoning behind this decision: “We know that climate change is a serious issue, and we also know that our planes are part of the problem. So, to give the impression that we’re doing something about it, we’re going to throw a bunch of money at this program that may or may not actually work. Kind of like our antiquated reservations system.”

Jordan went on to add, “Speaking of antiquated reservations systems, another way we’re addressing the threat of climate change is simply by keeping our planes out of the air more often. In December and January of this year for instance our abacus-powered reservation system canceled thousands of flights (almost 70% of all of our flights) so that we could do our part to fight climate change.”

But at Southwest Airlines, we’re confident that this investment will help us look good in the eyes of our customers, and that’s really what matters, isn’t it? As Jordan put it, “We’re not just an airline, we’re also a brand. And our brand is all about being hip and cool and caring about the environment. So, if investing in this program helps us keep up that image, then it’s totally worth it.”

At the end of the day, this investment is just another way for us to protect our image and keep raking in the profits. But hey, at least we can say we’re doing something, right?

For more information, please visit our website, where we’ll be posting lots of slick marketing materials to make it look like we’re saving the planet.