Move over frequent fliers, there’s a new program in town and depending on your race, it’s your round trip ticket to Wokeville! Southwoke Airlines announced today its latest initiative, the ¡Lánzate! Racism-Express program, which offers free flights exclusively to those who identify as Hispanix and Latinx students.
The airline, known for its delayed flights and lost luggage, made the announcement in a press conference on Monday. The new Luggage Czar, who prefers to be called “Swifty,” was previously caught stealing luggage from a carousel at Harry Reid International Airport in Las Vegas and at Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport, and was identified as the suspect through airport security cameras and social media posts.
By canceling thousands of flights, we’re ensuring that our pilots and flight attendants get to spend more time in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) training sessions, regardless of their race, gender, or orientation.
DALLAS – In a move that will surely convince our customers that we’re not completely indifferent to the fate of the planet, Southwoke is proud to announce a $10 million investment in Yale University’s Natural Carbon Capture program.
Southwest Airlines –the air travelers’s absolute last resort– whose Scratch-and-Dent / Breached Hull Aircraft Discount Program drew tens of new customers to the company, has been told to discontinue the program after a flight made an emergency landing with what passengers described as a 3-foot crack in the fuselage of their Boeing 737.