Welcome to Southwoke, the airline that makes traveling as painless as a sex change operation. Our motto is “You Never Know,” and we never disappoint. Here are just a few examples of how we excel in making your transitioning between places as easy as changing your gender.
We pride ourselves in contributing to the overall cancel culture by canceling flights at the last minute without explanation. Our customers love the thrill of not knowing when and how they will reach their destination. We also offer no compensation or alternatives, because let’s face it, it’s not our fault that you Tweeted something crazy while drunk five years ago, or that our pilots were detained for firebombing a police station.
At Southwoke Airlines, we believe in sharing your luggage with other passengers. Giving us your suitcase is like placing bets in a casino, only instead of winning money, you get the excitement of opening a suitcase that isn’t yours. Plus, it’s always fun to try and wear someone else’s clothes of a different gender, size, age, or ethnic background.
Learning Never Stops:
Our diverse staff loves to school our passengers about issues, making you feel unworthy of our wokeness. We offer a range of edifying comments from “Wow, you really need a shower” to “If you disagree, parachutes are in the back.” Our flight attendants also make it a point to ignore your requests for water or food, just to let you find out what the slaves felt on their way to America.
We don’t believe in personal entertainment systems, as we feel it takes away from the joy of staring at the back of the seat in front of you for hours on end. Instead, we offer a variety of in-flight literature, including “Heather’s Mom Has Two Penises,” and “The Communist Manifesto.” You’re welcome.
So why choose Southwoke Airlines for your next trip? Because we guarantee an experience you won’t soon forget. Book now and let us take you on a wild flight to unexpected places, other people’s luggage, and learning about your unearned privileges. Welcome aboard, and good luck!